I am not licensed to give any type of therapy sessions related to marriage. No one is offering me hundreds of dollars per hour to sit on a couch in a small room for input on how to deal with issues that go along with transforming from two individuals to a functioning couple. However, after reading this work I can provide PayPal account information if you feel led to donate.
Any of you potential grooms out there, I’m going to give you a few scenarios that maybe you haven’t thought of that could potentially prepare you for this important path.
Be prepared to continuously move the toilet seat up and down when using the restroom. Remember this, if not you may wake up to a splash and screams in the wee hours of the morning. What follows is an invitation to take a trip to the luxurious resort inside your living room named “Le Couch.” I never quite understood why the females of the house wouldn’t return the favor of lifting the toilet lid back towards the tank when they have completed their experience. I mean that’s only fair, right?
Be prepared for magnificent date nights. You know with candle lights, flowers, freshly made hors d’ oeuvres, the finest steaks and the finest service that you can think of. All of that may well be the case in some households, but I’m going to give you a clearer picture of what happens more often than not. Babe, let’s get something to eat tonight. Oh, you don’t care where we go or what eat. Ok, I’ll make arrangements for around seven. At approximately 6:53, you will still be sitting on “Le Couch” waiting for your significant other to complete last minute make-up and hair adjustments. Upon arrival at the dining establishment at approximately 7:15, we find out that our reservations have been given to another couple. It was probably a good thing anyhow, come to find out, she doesn’t find the local Waffle House a desirable destination for a date night. So, for the next thirty to forty-five minutes, you will ride around arguing about eating at a place called “I Don’t Care,” only to arrive and find out that wasn’t the exact “I Don’t Care” that she fancies.
Be prepared for two sets or rules. When we are trying to “quiet the monsters” also known as our children for their beauty sleep, there are unwritten rules that the parents and older sibling know to abide by. If you want to see a dark side of the lady of the house, make any type of noise while she is rocking or laying with the children at bedtime. The wife has superpower hearing during this juncture in the evening. Our oldest child had a near death experience just the other day for merely “blinking” too loudly. Which brings me to last night. While trying to get our daughter to sleep, my spouse proceeded to: laugh obnoxiously while attending a virtual prayer meeting (praise Jesus), did I mention that the volume on the phone made the conversation seem as if the Pastor was shouting at me personally (forgive me Lord), and lastly she began mixing batter and banging pots in the process of making banana bread. My life insurance is paid up for instances like these when the tables are turned.
Couples have to make sacrifices and compromise. I hope this has helped inform some of the gentlemen out there what may lie ahead. I love my wife dearly and while some of this is truthful, some may be slightly exaggerated. Proverbs 21:9 states, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. I choose not to live in the corner of any housetop, but if you need me anytime soon I will be at the resort “Le Couch.”